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>>>"That's not necessary," I said, clutching the handle of the case tighter. Then I saw that short vertical line appearing between her brows again and realized it might be suspicious, and let her take my suitcase.

"Nonsense, no trouble at all,"

This sequence doesn't quite follow. "That's not necessary' isn't usually answered by 'no trouble'. If I were the emplolyee I would have read 'that's not necessary' and the tightening as 'this is important and I wish to cary it myself'.... which would make the response inappropriate. Perhaps, "Don't worry, we have very little crime here, I'm sure it will be safe."

Or, if she wishes to disguise how important it is, then she could have said, "I wouldn't want to put you to the trouble...' which would fit perfectly with the response.

>You came to the wrong door.

More polite and helpful to the story might be, "I was expecting you to come in the office door."

But this exchange means that the heroine had actually made a mistake in protocol, which she should recognize and curse herself for. She must have walked past the 'right' door, or had herself dropped off in the wrong place.

>>Oh, Ms. Hoi!

I still find this anachronistic. This usage is dying out (according to Google Ngram) and is much more typical in big cities... 'progressive' big cities. It's use doesn't seem to fit here. To avoid you could say, "Oh, the archivist! I was excpecting you to come by the office door. Of course, we hide it pretty well. Let me..."

I would like to see more ambiance... description of the outside and inside of the restaraunt. Maybe some smells, an idea of what they cook, what kind of clientelle.

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